Support strategies for unsettled and crying periods
All babies cry, but sometimes there seems to be no reason for the tears. Here's what you can do when baby's very unsettled.
The following explores some settling techniques for when your baby is
having unsettled and crying periods. You may need to try a few
different approaches, depending on how your baby responds to them. Some
parents find that if one strategy doesn't work initially, it may become
more effective at a later time, when their baby is a little older.
Others find that if they persevere for a while, their baby grows to
enjoy, or respond to their technique more readily (for example, baby
massage). There may be some methods that do not suit you, or they may be
unrealistic in certain family situations.
It is crucial to remember that 80% of normal, healthy well-fed babies
have at least one period of unexplained crying in a 24 hour period, and
that most babies (and their parents) will have good days and bad days.
In many cases, the unsettled periods will tend to decrease dramatically
(or even stop) when your baby is about 3 months old. Of course knowing
this does not stop your baby having unsettled periods of crying, but it
may help you accept their presence as well as knowing that it will
pass...
In the meantime, you may wish to look at some support strategies and settling techniques to help you though these trying times.
Is there a problem?
Change your baby, feed them, perhaps try getting them to burp for a
short period if you think they have wind. If this does not work then,
pick your baby up. You can't spoil your baby by cuddling and comforting
them when they are feeling distressed. Most babies like to be held
close, and in a more upright position. Place them into a baby pouch or
carry sling to make it easier on your arms (and to free them up to do
other things if you need to). A pouch or sling, when tied a certain way,
can hold the baby up against your chest so that they can hear your
heartbeat. This is a familiar sound remembered from the womb and can be
very reassuring to them. Some babies will naturally prefer being held
closely but want to face away from their parent's body, so that they can
see all the action happening around them!
Feeding your baby more
Let your baby suckle on the breast as often as they want to (or as
much as you can accommodate). Giving unlimited breastfeeds during a
baby's unsettled periods may help to calm and soothe some babies, but
may have little impact on others. Frequent feeding during these periods
will not harm your baby, but it may resolve (or shorten) your baby's
unsettled periods. However, continual breastfeeding does not tend to
resolve a baby's crying indefinitely. Some women feel comfortable with
continually breastfeeding through these periods, others find the
constant feeding exhausting. It will therefore depend on how you feel
about it, both physically and emotionally.
Comfort sucking
If your baby is bottle feeding, it is not recommended that you offer
them unlimited amounts of formula during unsettled periods. Your baby is
not usually hungry, but just wants to comfort suck. Try not to give
large amounts of formula more than every 2 1/2 hours, and keep track of
their normal estimated 24 hour milk volume needs. You may wish to look
at the options of a dummy, or allowing your baby to suck their wrist or
thumb.
Using movement
Some babies will calm down and respond to the rhythmic motion of
rocking, or movement in your arms as you walk, while in a baby sling or
as you sit in a rocking chair, using a cradle, bouncer chair, pram or
stroller. If you pat your baby as well, it will need to be in a relaxed,
gentle and rhythmic fashion, to help soothe them. If you find that your
patting is too rapid or intense, your baby's crying is likely to
increase. Avoid quick, vigorous and jerky movements, as this will only
serve to agitate your baby and may stir up their last feed, causing them
to vomit!
You can try feeding your baby, wrapping them snugly and rocking your
baby back and forth in the stroller or pram. By placing them on their
side, you can pat their bottom, using a relaxed and rhythmic action.
Some babies respond to the pram going continually back and forth over a
small bump on the floor. You can roll up a towel or find some flooring
that has different levels, such as a join in the carpet and floorboards.
Laying your baby belly down along the length or your forearm, with
one leg on either side of your arm. Cupping your baby's chin in your
hand to support their head. With your free hand you can gently rub their
back, or pat their bottom using a relaxed rhythmic patting action. You
can do a similar thing while your baby lies on your thigh while you are
sitting, or they could lay 'tummy down' across your lap while you gently
rub their back.
A little shush
Quietening the environment by turning off (or down) any loud music or
the television. Playing some music, or humming or singing to your baby.
This may also help to soothe you, as well as your baby. Some parents
talk about using ambient noises as a distraction (such as turning on the
clothes drier or the washing machine). These constant low sounds may
either distract or sooth your baby (but may escalate your electricity
bill!)
Going for a walk
This will depend on how you are feeling, the time of day or night it
is (and how you feel about your baby crying in public). Getting out of
the house and walking with your unsettled baby can often be much easier
than coping with them crying indoors. The movement of the stroller or
pram will tend to settle most babies.
Rub a dub in the tub
Giving your baby a deep relaxation bath or a massage. These can help
them unwind and relax (just as it does most adults), particularly if the
bath is followed by a massage and a feed. A deep relaxation bath and/or
massage can become part of your 'wind-down' evening ritual for bedtime
(even if they have already had a bath that day).
Some parents will run their own bath, so that they can bathe with
their baby. This may help if you are both feeling upset. The closeness
and skin to skin contact can be very soothing and relaxing. You may wish
to sing, hum or give your baby a breastfeed while in the bath,
especially if this helps your baby to sleep. Bear in mind that you will
probably need someone else there, to hand your baby to so they can dress
them (or at least wrap them in a towel and put a nappy on) until you
are out of the bath and dry. If your baby wakes again, you can give them
a final feed after dressing them, with them hopefully them going off to
sleep afterwards!
Take turns
Giving your baby to someone else (for a while anyway). When one
parent has spent the last few hours trying to settle their baby, stress,
tension and tiredness will naturally build in their own body. This
tension is sensed by the baby and quite understandably can make them
agitated and upset. Therefore, by actually handing your baby over to
someone else, this can not only be a cathartic experience for you, but
an action that makes your baby settle down.
From one viewpoint it can seem extremely stressful that the most
common time for a baby being unsettled is at the end of the day (usually
at around 4pm - 10pm). But perhaps this is actually positive, in that
this is the time that most partners return home from work (lucky them!)
If you have a family member or friend around during an unsettled period,
give your baby to them for a while so you can have a break, (even if
this is just for only 5 - 10 minutes, it can provide you with some
beneficial 'sanity time'). Try and use the break to do something for
yourself. Have something to eat, a drink or a 'cuppa', have a shower or
even go outside to have a stretch or a lie down. If you are feeling
frayed around the edges, you may want to do a quick relaxation exercise,
using your 'out' breath to release any tension that has built up.
Don't feel frustrated or disappointed in yourself when your partner,
family member or friend is able to settle your baby. It is not because
you have been doing something wrong, or you don't have the ability to
calm your baby (or your baby does not like you!). Try to understand that
a 'fresh' person is capable of breaking the tension and stress that can
be associated with you carrying and trying to soothe your baby for a
long time. In many cases, if the other person is calmer, the often
exhausted baby will start to wind-down.
Cry it out
Putting your baby in their cot for a while and allowing them to cry
for a few minutes. Some babies become so over-tired and overstimulated,
that the continual handling and feeding involved with the above settling
techniques can at times make the situation worse. Allowing your baby to
have a few minutes of crying may actually help them to 'let off steam'
and relax, possibly even allowing them to go off to sleep. If their
crying continues for more than 5 to 10 minutes (or however long you feel
comfortable for, but no longer than 15 minutes) , or becomes very
distressed, you should pick them up again and comfort them. You could
try putting them down like this every 30 minutes to an hour or so, to
see if this approach works as your baby tires.
The long-term aim for most parents is for their baby to be able to
learn how to settle (and resettle) themselves to sleep. All babies and
parents are different, therefore it is important to utilise the
techniques that will suit your individual needs. Once you discover the
settling techniques that you prefer (and the ones your baby finds
calming and relaxing), you will tend to rely on them on a daily basis.
You may have one approach, or a few preferred strategies that you use
in combination, or you may reserve them for when your baby is very
unsettled. It is a good idea for both parents to talk about any possible
settling techniques, so that you agree on the same method. Letting
other caregivers know about how to use your techniques will help keep
consistency in your baby's routine, and therefore more likely to
respond, by them settling easily. There is no right nor wrong way to
soothe and settle your crying baby, or get them off to sleep. All babies
cry, and there is a wide variety in the patterns, length and intensity
of crying periods. Some babies can be easier to comfort than others, and
most are very different from their older siblings.
What works for you?
If you experiment with some of these options try to stick with the
methods that seem to work for you and your baby. Remain flexible, as
your baby's needs will change as they grow older. Before changing any
settling techniques, ask yourself "Is the way that I am currently doing
things really an issue for me?" Remember that any suggested changes by
others may just be an alternative they used, because it worked for them,
or was an attempt by them to resolve their own issue.
Always value the fact that you are your baby's parent and you
ultimately have to make the best decision for yourself and your baby.
You should always feel comfortable that it is your choice and not
someone else's.
