Support strategies for unsettled and crying periods
The following explores some settling techniques for when your baby is
having unsettled and crying periods. You may need to try a few different
approaches, depending on how your baby responds to them. Some parents
find that if one strategy doesn't work initially, it may become more
effective at a later time, when their baby is a little older. Others
find that if they persevere for a while, their baby grows to enjoy, or
respond to their technique more readily (for example, baby massage).
There may be some methods that do not suit you, or they may be
unrealistic in certain family situations.
It is crucial to remember that 80% of normal, healthy well-fed babies
have at least one period of unexplained crying in a 24 hour period, and
that most babies (and their parents) will have good days and bad days.
In many cases, the unsettled periods will tend to decrease dramatically
(or even stop) when your baby is about 3 months old. Of course knowing
this does not stop your baby having unsettled periods of crying, but it
may help you accept their presence as well as knowing that........
it will pass.
In the mean time, you may wish to look at some support strategies and
settling techniques to help you though these trying times. You may have
already tried some
cues and
sleep associations. Some additional techniques can include:
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Trying all the 'explained crying' strategies
first. Change your baby, feed them, perhaps try getting them to burp
for a short period if you think they have wind. If this does not work then, |
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Pick your baby up. You can't spoil your baby
by cuddling and comforting them when they are feeling distressed. Most
babies like to be held close, and in a more upright position. Place them
into a baby pouch or carry sling to make it easier on your arms (and to
free them up to do other things if you need to). A pouch or sling, when
tied a certain way, can hold the baby up against your chest so that
they can hear your heartbeat. This is a familiar sound remembered from
the womb and can be very reassuring to them. Some babies will naturally
prefer being held closely but want to face away from their parent's
body, so that they can see all the action happening around them! |
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Feeding your baby more if they are
interested. Let your baby suckle on the breast as often as they want to
(or as much as you can accommodate). Giving unlimited breastfeeds during
a baby's unsettled periods may help to calm and soothe some babies, but
may have little impact on others. Frequent feeding during these periods
will not harm your baby, but it may resolve (or shorten) your baby's
unsettled periods. However, continual breastfeeding does not tend to
resolve a baby's crying indefinitely. Some women feel comfortable with
continually breastfeeding through these periods, others find the
constant feeding exhausting. It will therefore depend on how you feel
about it, both physically and emotionally. |
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If your baby is bottle feeding, it is not
recommended that you offer them unlimited amounts of formula during
unsettled periods. Your baby is not usually hungry, but just wants to
comfort suck. Try not to give large amounts of formula more than every 2
1/2 hours, and keep track of their normal estimated 24 hour milk volume
needs. You can read more in bottle feeding. You may wish to look at the options of a dummy, or allowing your baby to suck their wrist or thumb. You can read more in dummies and thumbs. |
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Using movement. Some babies will calm down
and respond to the rhythmic motion of rocking, or movement in your arms
as you walk, while in a baby sling or as you sit in a rocking chair,
using a cradle, bouncer chair, pram or stroller. If you pat your baby as
well, it will need to be in a relaxed, gentle and rhythmic fashion, to
help soothe them. If you find that your patting is too rapid or intense,
your baby's crying is likely to increase. Avoid quick, vigorous and
jerky movements, as this will only serve to agitate your baby and may
stir up their last feed, causing them to vomit! |
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You can try feeding your baby, wrapping them
snugly and rocking your baby back and forth in the stroller or pram. By
placing them on their side, you can pat their bottom, using a relaxed
and rhythmic action. Some babies respond to the pram going continually
back and forth over a small bump on the floor. You can roll up a towel
or find some flooring that has different levels, such as a join in the
carpet and floorboards. |
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Laying your baby belly down along the length
or your forearm, with one leg on either side of your arm. Cupping your
baby's chin in your hand to support their head. With your free hand you
can gently rub their back, or pat their bottom using a relaxed rhythmic
patting action. You can do a similar thing while your baby lies on your
thigh while you are sitting, or they could lay 'tummy down' across your
lap while you gently rub their back. |
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Quietening the environment by turning off
(or down) any loud music or the television. Playing some music, or
humming or singing to your baby. This may also help to soothe you, as
well as your baby. Some parents talk about using ambient noises as a
distraction (such as turning on the clothes drier or the washing
machine). These constant low sounds may either distract or sooth your
baby (but may escalate your electricity bill!) |
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Going for a walk. This will depend on how
you are feeling, the time of day or night it is (and how you feel about
your baby crying in public). Getting out of the house and walking with
your unsettled baby can often be much easier than coping with them
crying indoors. The movement of the stroller or pram will tend to settle
most babies. |
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Giving your baby a deep relaxation bath or a massage.
These can help them unwind and relax (just as it does most adults),
particularly if the bath is followed by a massage and a feed. A deep
relaxation bath and/or massage can become part of your 'wind-down'
evening ritual for bedtime (even if they have already had a bath that
day). |
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Some parents will run their own bath, so
that they can bathe with their baby. This may help if you are both
feeling upset. The closeness and skin to skin contact can be very
soothing and relaxing. You may wish to sing, hum or give your baby a
breastfeed while in the bath, especially if this helps your baby to
sleep. Bear in mind that you will probably need someone else there, to
hand your baby to so they can dress them (or at least wrap them in a
towel and put a nappy on) until you are out of the bath and dry. If your
baby wakes again, you can give them a final feed after dressing them,
with them hopefully them going off to sleep afterwards! |
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Giving your baby to someone else (for a
while anyway). When one parent has spent the last few hours trying to
settle their baby, stress, tension and tiredness will naturally build in
their own body. This tension is sensed by the baby and quite
understandably can make them agitated and upset. Therefore, by actually
handing your baby over to someone else, this can not only be a cathartic
experience for you, but an action that makes your baby settle down. |
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From one viewpoint it can seem extremely
stressful that the most common time for a baby being unsettled is at the
end of the day (usually at around 4pm - 10pm). But perhaps this is
actually positive, in that this is the time that most partners return
home from work (lucky them!) If you have a family member or friend
around during an unsettled period, give your baby to them for a while so
you can have a break, (even if this is just for only 5 - 10 minutes, it
can provide you with some beneficial 'sanity time'). |
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Try and use the break to do something for
yourself. Have something to eat, a drink or a 'cuppa', have a shower or
even go outside to have a stretch or a lie down. If you are feeling
frayed around the edges, you may want to do a quick relaxation exercise,
using your 'out' breath to release any tension that has built up. |
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Don't feel frustrated or disappointed in
yourself when your partner, family member or friend is able to settle
your baby. It is not because you have been doing something wrong, or you
don't have the ability to calm your baby (or your baby does not like
you!). Try to understand that a 'fresh' person is capable of breaking
the tension and stress that can be associated with you carrying and
trying to soothe your baby for a long time. In many cases, if the other
person is calmer, the often exhausted baby will start to wind-down. |
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Putting your baby in their cot for a while
and allowing them to cry for a few minutes. Some babies become so
over-tired and overstimulated, that the continual handling and feeding
involved with the above settling techniques can at times make the
situation worse. Allowing your baby to have a few minutes of crying may
actually help them to 'let off steam' and relax, possibly even allowing
them to go off to sleep. If their crying continues for more than 5 to 10
minutes (or however long you feel comfortable for, but no longer than
15 minutes) , or becomes very distressed, you should pick them up again
and comfort them. You could try putting them down like this every 30
minutes to an hour or so, to see if this approach works as your baby
tires. |
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The long-term aim for most parents is for
their baby to be able to learn how to settle (and resettle) themselves
to sleep. All babies and parents are different, therefore it is
important to utilize the techniques that will suit your individual
needs. Once you discover the settling techniques that you prefer (and
the ones your baby finds calming and relaxing), you will tend to rely on
them on a daily basis. You may have one approach, or a few preferred
strategies that you use in combination, or you may reserve them for when
your baby is very unsettled. It is a good idea for both parents to talk
about any possible settling techniques, so that you agree on the same
method. Letting other caregivers know about how to use your techniques
will help keep consistency in your baby's routine, and therefore more
likely to respond, by them settling easily. |
Our thoughts.......
There is no right nor wrong way to soothe and settle
your crying baby, or get them off to sleep. All babies cry, and there is
a wide variety in the patterns, length and intensity of crying periods.
Some babies can be easier to comfort than others, and most are very
different from their older siblings.
If you experiment with some of these options try to stick with the
methods that seem to work for you and your baby. Remain flexible, as
your baby's needs will change as they grow older. Before changing any
settling techniques, ask yourself "Is the way that I am currently doing
things really an issue for me?" Remember that any suggested changes by
others may just be an alternative they used, because it worked for them,
or was an attempt by them to resolve their own issue.
Always value the fact that you are your baby's parent and you ultimately
have to make the best decision for yourself and your baby. You should
always feel comfortable that it is your choice and not someone else's.